I dont even know where to start

Boredom drove me here.
im back because im bored, and reading all this made me reslise what has been missing from my life. i dont talk enough to anyone to get all of this out without sounding like a weirdo. i pay far too much attention to things that dont matter. it clogs up my brain and this i guess is the best way to unload it. there are two things i want to talk about, and im going to talk about the easiest one because with the other, i can talk myself in circles for hours.
weather.
im in that airy fairy mode again, where all the beautiful things in life just burst from their hidden places and bloom before my eyes. all the bare trees are now tinged with a faint smattering of green. i find myself dreaming of that amazing smell, of rain on hot cement. the fact that my whole house is shaking to it's foundations in this storm makes me want to snuggle in my bed. but i would rather have cuddles. lets not get into that.
i see rainbows, i see reflections in puddles, i see all these things, but if i were to take a picture, all the beauty would vanish. somehow, a lens just doesnt do it justice. and it makes me so angry, because i would love to take a picture of the double rainbow. of the fog. of the water so calm it looks like glass.

and i cant explain this to anyone. my sister thinks ive lost the plot when i talk about how green everything is. that im hallucinating or on some kind of drug. its not fair. it took me so long to notice all this stuff, and now that i do, i have no one to share it with.

all i want to do right now its stand outside in the rain. get completely drenched, head to toe, right down to the bone. and laugh. smile, laugh, be kissed in the rain or something. its so relentless out there, and im too good. i dont want pneumonia. i cant take time off work. im a good girl.


mostly.